My review of the movie Life Animated

Last week, I finally got to see the film Life Animated  which is about a young man with autism who found a way to connect with the world through Disney movies.  I've always wanted to see this film after hearing from a friend who told me how good the movie was.    To give you a brief synopsis the film centers around Owen Suskind who was diagnosed with autism at age three.  His parents noticed that around age three he started to lose speech and was withdrawing in his own world.  Once his parents received Owen's diagnosis, they tried all they can to connect with him and to get him  to speak.  Unfortunately progress was slow at first until they realized one day when they were watching a Disney movie with him that he was using these films to connect with the world.  They realized this gradually through scripts and insights he provides such as explaining that his brother doesn't want to grow up like Mowgli and Peter Pan.  The film chronicles Owens life as he comes of age and transitions out of school age services into adulthood and independent living as well as how he utilizes the power of Disney to navigate and deal with this transition.  The  film interweaves animation into the film that chronicles pivotal moments of the film.

I personally loved Life Animated and found it relatable as someone on the autism spectrum.  I loved how the synopsis of the film mainly centers around Owen and how he views the world. Too often most movies and television shows are filmed from the perspective of parents and professionals giving an "outside looking in" perspective on autism.  Often these type of third person films portray autism in a negative light and how often the child is a burden on the family.  Although Owen's parents and brother were interviewed and talked about how they "lost Owen" in the beginning, the film mainly puts Owen's perspective and insights in how he sees the world over those of his parents and brother as well as others who work with him.   

The second thing I liked about the film is the positive message of embracing Owen's interest in Disney and how he uses it in a empowering way instead of  faulting him for not having interests that are  considered age appropriate according to the norms of typical society.  For Owen,  his interest in Disney allowed him to not only connect with his parents but allowed him to start a Disney club at school in which he has the opportunity to demonstrate leadership skills and ultimately leads him to have a girlfriend.   As someone who is a big fan of Disney and other animated cartoon characters,  I can relate to Owen in some degree even though his interest in Disney films is more all- encompassing and intense.     An example in which the film resonates with my experience is when Owen was getting ready to move into his own place. He was  starting to feel anxious and asked his dad if he can watch scenes from Dumbo to help calm himself  down.  Like Owen, I have  utilize my love of childlike cartoon characters like Hello Kitty and Frozen  to help me deal with my transition to a four year college as well as my current transition into the world of employment and the demands of the adult world.   This is the part I wish more autism experts understood in how unusual and childlike interests like Disney serve a purpose of comfort and predictability in people like me and Owen.  Too often, most autism interventions aim at eliminating these interests rather than embracing them.  Life Animated  does a good job showing how the power of special interests can be channeled in a way that allows individuals with autism to connect to the world and how it can be utilized in therapeutic interventions.  

Another way I can relate to Owen in Life Animated is his anxiety about  growing up.   I liked how the film portrays Owen when he comes of age and demonstrates from a first person perspective of what it's like to transition to adulthood.   My transitions from high school to community college, from community college to a four year University and now onto employment brings a lot of  fear and uncertainty about the future.  To see Owen going through a similar thing makes me feel like I am not the only one in my feelings.  There are not a lot of realistic first person portrayals about transitioning from the comfort and structured nature of school services to the unstructured nature of adulthood.   As someone living with autism,  I felt that Life Animated  accurately portrayed this rite of passage and gave me the validation that I longed for.  

Overall on a scale on 1 to 10, I would rate this documentary a high 10.  It is a neurodiverse friendly film which has the rare occurence of telling a story utilizing an "inside looking out" perspective that embraces the autistic way of thinking.  Whether if you have experience dealing with autism or not,  I would recommend everyone to see this film as some of the film's central message would resonate with everyone about growing up.

Here is the link to the trailer of Life Animated

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n7fosK9UyY

     

Why making friends is hard when you have autism

For most neurotypical people, the nature of friendships is a rewarding experience.  Friends are usually the main people that fulfill the social need of humans.  Most people take the skill of making and keeping friends for granted.  However, imagine living a life in which making and keeping friends doesn’t come easy.  This is what my life is like every day. Since I was really little I always had a hard time making and keeping friends.  Although I went to various social skills groups and classes as well as being taught social skills in behavioral therapy to address these concerns, this will be a continuous challenge for me.    The social complexities and cues of friendship are hard to decode.  For example,  I sometimes don’t know if someone genuinely wants to hang with me or not is the hardest part of meeting new people and establishing potential friendships.  Another hurdle of why establishing friendships are hard is the fact that I have no control over the behaviors of other people.  I can only control my behaviors and what I put into the friendship, but I have no control over the actions and thoughts of others.    In the past, friends would flake out on me or change plans at the last minute which would cause me stress.   As an autistic person, any sudden changes puts me on edge and when my friends cancel out on me it throws me off.  A third challenge that making and keeping friends has for me is the concept of group outings or get-togethers.  Most young adults in their 20’s enjoy group outings such as parties and going to the bar etc.  For me, I don’t enjoy such things because of the sensory overload that accompanies me whenever I am in a room full of people.    The last challenge of making friends when you are on the spectrum is difficulty finding quality friends that meet my emotional and companionate needs as well as being sensitive to my needs as an autistic person.   I am not looking for a play companion who only does fun stuff and sticks by me for only the good times, but want friends who I can talk about my problems and challenges and is also reliable and sympathetic to my challenges.  For this reason I prefer to hang out with older and more mature people since they are more likely to meet the above criteria.   Unfortunately more often than not, it is very hard to find my ideal friend especially when living in a big and spread out metropolis like Los Angeles.   All these factors combined and the amount of effort it takes for me to maintain friendships makes this fundamental social interaction increasingly tough for me.  This is why I don’t have too many friends in my life because of the amount of maintenance and energy it takes out of me.

It can be a frustrating thing for both the autistic person and their parents and other support people for the lack of friends because of missed social opportunities.   Over the years I have developed two beliefs that have helped me feel better about my difficulties.  I will now give you these two pieces of advice.  The first piece of advice I would offer is to not stress so much about not having a lot of friends.  Instead, you should focus on having quality friends who will meet your needs and respect you for who you are.  I am grateful to find at least two good friends who accept me for who I am and are okay with my autism and its unique characteristics and limitations.  One of them is also on the spectrum herself and shares the same desire to spread autism acceptance as well as advocate for better services and accommodations for people on the spectrum in the greater society.  It is long term friendships in which one can share vulnerabilities and intimate thoughts that will matter in the long run .  Another piece of advice that I learned to adopt is focusing on having a support network or finding other people in your life besides your friends to provide emotional support if you are having trouble finding the right type of friends or your friends are not emotionally available.  For instance, I am very fortunate to have a loving family, a behavior therapist and a mentor to provide emotional support when I am going through a hard time.   The point of this blog post is to share my experience of making friendships as someone living on the spectrum and hopefully this might help others on the spectrum that are in the same boat.

Addressing the employment problem with autism

According to a U.S. News article, many young adults with autism are more likely to be unemployed compared to adults with other disabilities.  This is a very glooming statistic considering that many young adults on the spectrum are considered to be very good workers and have a lot to offer as employees.  The unemployment issue with adults with autism is compounded by the lack of adequate job supports (e.g. a job coach) that can help individuals with autism spectrum disorders navigate the world of employment and the interpersonal interactions that are often required of most occupations.  This issue hits home for me as I am a newly college graduate who is embarking on the world of employment.  To make things more complicated is that most supported employment or vocational training programs are only equipped to dealing with those individuals who are more impacted by their disabilities and are only capable of securing menial jobs (e.g. working at Target or Ralphs as a box boy) .  For me,  finding a meaningful job which has a supportive and nurturing work environment is my top priority.  With that said, I will now offer some tips and solutions of how we can create more meaningful employment opportunities as well as how to create more supportive work environments so our adults on the spectrum can succeed in the work force.

1. Accommodations

The first thing I would suggest is that prospective employers need to create more accommodations for those on the spectrum that will allow them to complete work tasks successfully.    Too often, I feel that a lot of  time is spent on teaching the spectrum population to conform and integrate but it is a two way street.  Employers need to be understanding and aware of the challenges autism brings  and should take the effort in working with them and be sensitive to the limitations of those on the spectrum.  Some suggestions of useful accommodations that employers should use is visual aids and schedules such as creating task lists and also breaking down a task into step-by-step instructions that are manageable and easy to understand.  With an accommodating work environment, adults with neurodiverse conditions like myself can feel confident and become productive employees.

2.  Creating a Supportive and nurturing work culture

For me, the ideal work environment is one of collaboration in which each employee has a set of skills and experience that they can bring to the table.  Instead of having a one-way hierarchal system in which the boss has all the power and gives commands to the employees and suboardinates, I want an environment in which I can have an honest and open discussion with my supervisor and co-workers in which we can give each other feedback of how we can improve the productivity and operation of the entire business or company.  Like I said before, people on the spectrum have a lot of skills and experiences to employers and having a warm and nurturing work environment enables them to use their talents and skills.

3.  Having a nurturing supervisor
I talked a little bit about this in my previous point but a supportive boss or supervisor can make all the difference between really loving your job or hating it.  After all the boss is the one that writes your paycheck and the supervisor is the one you will be dealing with on a daily basis.  Overall, people on the spectrum generally do well with bosses and supervisors who have a generally calm demeanor and can help mentor them in gaining valuable work skills and experiences.  They allow room for mistakes or errors and treat them as learning experiences.  I personally like a supervisor who will take the time to get to know me as a person and learn about my strengths and weaknesses.

With these three main points, people on the spectrum can be productive workers who can make a living and feel good for what they do.  As Steve Silberman said at an event I attended at UCLA, "workplaces need to change to address the needs of those on the autism spectrum."

Why autism is a feminist issue

According to some statistics by the CDC, autism is five times more common in boys than girls.   I don't know if this is a true statistic  but after reading many articles it probably has to do with a biased diagnostic criteria that caters to males.   Many of the women interviewed in these articles report that they received many psychiatric diagnoses before finally getting a diagnosis of autism.  This usually happens around young adulthood.  Perhaps the late consideration is due to the difficulty of diagnosing girls since they are better at masking their autistic symptoms than boys.  I am very lucky to have received my autism diagnosis in early childhood and did not have to go through elementary, middle and high school years unsupported and misunderstood.  Unlike the women mentioned in the articles I read, I was not good at masking my symptoms and did not mimic the social behaviors of my typical female peers very well.  I had a lot of stereotyped and repetitive behaviors and had to be taught  social skills to be able to navigate the complex social world.  Despite being diagnosed early, I still faced various challenges due to the fact that I was a female.  The social skills groups I was a part of as a child were composed mostly of boys.  In fact there was one group in which I was the only girl which made me feel incredibly isolated because I could not identify with the boys in the group.  This gender disparity in autism services and diagnosis should be given more attention. Since there are a lot more males on the autism spectrum, researchers tend to only include boys in their samples which results in less knowledge on how autism affects girls and women as well as interventions that address the unique needs of this population.     In my personal experience,  I wish more autism interventions were more relational or companionate in nature than the typical emphasis on skill building. that accompanies  traditional behavioral and social skills therapies.   What I mean by "relational" is interventions that target social and emotional development such as mentoring  with an older female peer or a older woman (either someone who is neurotypical or on the spectrum) who can act as a "big sister."   The big brother/big sister concept is already available to at-risk youth and I feel that this type of mentoring would also benefit young women and girls on the spectrum as well.   Another form of support I would like to see is for autistic women and girls to form a "sisterhood" or alliance with each other.  As a young woman on the autism spectrum, I feel it is important for us to support each other since we have a lot of shared experiences and we can lament of how hard it is to find other females on the spectrum since we are a minority in the autism community.  From writing this post, I am not saying that behavioral therapeutic interventions are not important since behavioral therapy has taught me the tools I need to navigate the school and college environment.  But, behavioral interventions are just  only one-part of the picture and cannot address all the complex emotional needs and challenges that come from being a female on the autism spectrum.    

What Inside Out has Taught me about emotions and mixed feelings

I know this post is a year late as the hit Pixar film Inside Out was released last year.   Back then, my blog was not in existence and was not dedicated to writing at the time.  But recently this topic has been seeping through my head especially after seeing the newly released film Finding Dory and dealing with my own emotions that I decided I want to write about my insights from the film and how it relates to my life with autism (better late than never).

To give you a brief synopsis, the film centers on a girl named Riley and her emotions Joy, Sadness, Fear, Disgust and Anger.  Everything seems fine in Riley's life until she and her family move from Minnesota to San Francisco.  This is when everything in her world starts to turn upside down.  She has a hard time adjusting to her new life in San Francisco as she seems moody and depressed thanks to Sadness messing around with Riley's core memories. Sadness starts to feel bad for messing everything up but eventually she starts to realize that she plays a valuable role in Riley's life. What makes the movie relatable is the  central message of having mixed emotions and that it's okay to feel sad sometimes.  Oftentimes, society expects us to hold a positive attitude all the time even when we don't feel like smiling.   However, it is unrealistic to be happy and hold a positive attitude all the time.  Let's face it, life is not all good and can really suck at times ( hence the term "life is a bitch").  I would be so hard on myself for not feeling happy and positive all the time and felt there was something wrong with me anytime my head went into the negative.   However, I learned that both happiness and sadness are very important emotions.  In fact being overly happy is not good either. For instance, I personally found Joy being insensitive at times during the film especially in the scene in which Bing-Bong (Riley's imaginary friend) was distressed about Riley not remembering him in which she proceeds to tell both Sadness and him to put on a happy face.  Sadness, on the other hand  seems more in tune with Bing Bong's emotions and distress and tries to connect with him.  If we were constantly happy and peppy all the time, we would take things for granted.  Sadness and other negative emotions helps us appreciate the good times and treasure them.  It can also help us connect with others on a deeper level.  In Inside Out, it was Sadness that helped Riley appreciate and treasure her moments in Minnesota and helped her express her feelings to her parents. What Inside Out has taught me and society is that it is okay to feel vulnerable and to allow permission to feel sad.  Both sadness and happiness are both important feelings that make up the human experience.  

  

It takes a village to help individuals on the spectrum reach their potential

"It takes a village!" is a phrase I hear so much in the autism and special needs community.  I could not agree more with this phrase or African proverb since getting to this point in my life would not have been possible if it were not for the numerous people such as therapists, aides and family who helped me along the way.  No one can deal with a disability alone (especially autism) since you often face barriers, challenges and also feelings of isolation when living with special needs.  My support network has helped me develop the confidence and acceptance to become a self advocate.  The one person who was vital in helping me with my find my voice was my behavioral therapist who I have been seeing for 10 years.  Although at the beginning of our relationship, I was resistant to working with her  over time I realize that she helped me grow as a person and the coping strategies she has taught me such as journaling helped me develop an idea of wanting to write a book about my life.  Hence, "Working the Doubleshift: A Young Woman's Journey with Autism" was born.

Another group that is part of my "village" is the numerous aides and mentors who helped me throughout the years.  They spent a lot of time with me and helped me deal with my feelings of isolation especially during my middle and high school years.  I felt I could turn to them for advice and emotional support when my therapists were unavailable and I do not feel like turning to my parents for advice and support.

My village is constantly changing and expanding.  I will meet new people who I can add to my "support village."  Today I am happy with my current support network of family, support people and friends who will continue to support me on my journey as I continue to grow and explore what I want to do.

Autism and anxiety

Studies have shown that a vast majority of individuals on the autism spectrum suffer from anxiety disorders.  This probably has to do with many different things like awareness of differences, increased sensory sensitivities etc.   Anxiety can manifest itself differently depending on the individual and can also vary in severity.  With this blog post, I am going to talk about my own experience with anxiety and how it manifests in my life.  My journey with anxiety started during my teenage years as I started to develop awareness about my autism and that I was different from my peers.  I would constantly worry how people would perceive me and if people would like me.    When I was younger I expressed my anxious feelings through meltdowns and had perseverative behaviors (I repeated myself a lot).  As a result of not having proper control over my anxious thoughts, I had to be on medication in order for me to cope with my anxiety a lot better.  However through behavioral therapy I was able to learn coping mechanisms and techniques such as journaling, deep breathing etc. to manage my anxiety so by junior year I was able to wean off my medication completely.  This might sound like a victory story that I was able to come off my medication completely since not everyone with anxiety and autism are not able to fade their medication.  However despite all the progress I have made over the years, I still struggle with anxiety. There are still days where I can't reign my spinning thoughts and the anxiety gets the best of me. While I am not the type to experience physical symptoms related to anxiety, there were times I experienced vomiting as a result of a nervous stomach.  My anxiety tends to heighten when I am faced with a lot on my plate or face with a challenge or transition (like finding a job) in which the outcome is unknown.

How my anxiety is related to autism is that I experience social anxiety.  Unlike most people with typical social anxiety, public speaking does not bother me as I have spoken in front of audiences before.    I struggle in group social situations, because the increased pressure and demands causes me to feel anxious.  I deal with this by withdrawing which is why I might seem antisocial or come off as "aloof" and "cold" to some people.  In my case, when I am feeling anxious my autistic self comes out more because I am so focused on taming my thoughts that sometimes I may not be aware of my surroundings and behavior.   This is why I prefer to hang out with my friends in a one-on-one situation because it is less complex and I get to know people better.
Another issue in which my anxiety and autism intersect is transitions or the notion of change.  While I got better at not having a meltdown when there is change happening in my life, I still get very anxious when I am in a transition period (e.g. from high school to college) because of the unknown.  For instance, I didn't feel like it was a good idea to go to a 4-year college and live in a dorm right out of high school since the combined demands of adjusting to college and independent living would be too much for me to deal with at 18 since I was emotionally immature for my age.  I went to a community college for a few years to mature and then transfer to a 4-year college.  This is the part I feel most experts neglect when talking about the transition from high school to college.  It seems that anxiety is brushed aside in favor of skill building.  To deal with anxiety, it is best to take "baby steps" in building skills because trying to cram everything all at once can overwhelm the individual to the point that they won't be opening to learning and can lessen the chance for a successful outcome after a new experience.  Having autism and anxiety is not easy, but I have learn to accept my anxious thoughts which makes living with the two conditions more manageble.  The more I try to fight my anxiety the harder life becomes harder to deal with.   I hope I have provided an accurate depiction of what autism and anxiety looks like for people on the spectrum.