Sunday, October 8, 2017

Why I relate to the tv show Speechless as someone with Autism

I recently wrote about the lack of realistic portrayals of autistic characters in the media   This post will be about a t.v. show that does it right in painting a real and honest story of disability.  I know I'm a year late to write this review of the television sitcom on ABC called Speechless.     Even before the t.v. show launched last year, I was excited to watch Speechless because it would be the first show to consult with the disability community and cast an actual actor with cerebral palsy.   For those who are unfamiliar with Speechless, it is taken from the viewpoint of a 16 year old teen boy with cerebral palsy named J.J. Dimeo who uses an electric wheelchair to get around and communicates through a letterboard that is attached to his chair.  His family of five moved to a small dilapidated house in an affluent Orange County suburb so he can be mainstreamed in a public school for the first time with an aide. When the aide chosen by the school district was not a fit for J.J., he decides to ask the school janitor to be his support person at school.  The show comically explores the ignorance most people have towards disabled individuals like J.J., family dynamics especially when it comes to J.J.'s two younger siblings as well as their domineering mother to self determination in which J.J's mother learns to stand back and let her son make some decisions for himself.  When watching the first season, I was shocked about how much I was able to relate to the main character J.J. Dimeo even though I have autism and my disability is not as physically involved like J.J.  I have watched so many shows featuring a character with autism and I felt that for the first time I was glad to finally find a t.v. show I can relate to that paint's a more realistic portrait of living with a disability without it being overly dramatic or the main character's disability is the butt of all jokes in which the audience is made to laugh.  I will now discuss some of the elements of how I relate to the television sitcom.

The first part I can relate to J.J. the main character was his relationship with his aide or support person.  Usually the subject of aides and support people are not discussed in t.v. shows or movies about disabled people.  It was nice to see J.J. bond with his aide Kenneth in the show and how he was able to select him as his support person when the first aide assigned to work with him did not turn out well in the pilot episode.  In my own experience, I always felt close to my support people whether it was my 1:1 aide in high school or my paid mentor/companion.  Although I do have friends, the complex nature and the often inconsistency that occurs in friendships can be overwhelming.   With support people, I don't feel that pressure and demand and the consistent nature of the relationship gives me the assurance that I will receive the emotional support on a regular basis.   In addition to providing a security blanket, the people who worked with me served as mentors/guiding figures.  It was so nice to have additional role models that I can turn to besides my parents.  Kenneth serves the same exact role to J.J. throughout the show as he helps him navigate the complex world of high school such as friendships, girls, people making fun of his disability etc.  Paid help such as aides are crucial to the lives of disabled people and I always felt that their work is undervalued in our society.  In fact support people can become equivalent to a "best friend" because you spend so much time with them.  It is nice that Speechless highlights their importance and how they serve as comfort to those individuals who struggle to live in an able bodied society.

Another aspect I can relate to Speechless is the subtle forms of ableism that are present both from the student body at J.J.'s school and strangers out in the community. In the beginning, J.J. was greeted by the students at school who threw a diversity carnival in his honor.  Yet, the school was inaccessible for J.J. who uses a wheelchair and the only way he can get into the building was through a garbage ramp.  This angers J.J.'s militant mother who gives a lecture to school officials about accessibility.   Another example in the show which exposes the irony of the students' inclusion friendly attitude was when the school decided to hold a school dance  on campus instead of at the beach because it did not cater to J.J's accessibility needs.  The students then turn from embracing and supporting J.J. to blaming him for ruining their fun.  This scene shows that young people who are "inclusion friendly" can change their attitude when they are asked to accommodate for people with disabilities.  The refusal to accommodate if it causes an inconvenience for people is a common thing that most disabled people deal with in their day to day lives.   Growing up and going through mainstream schooling, I have encountered and picked up on some of those attitudes from my peers.  Although no one ever bullied me, I picked up this unspoken feeling that my peers avoided me because they did not want to deal with my autism.  This was probably due to the fact that  it was obvious of how different I was due to the fact of having an adult with me at all times and my meltdowns that I would have sometime in class.  Even some of my friends in the past made statements that I conisdered to be ableist.  For instance, I used to have a girl friend who thought that having extra help (e.g. 1:1 aide, behavioral therapist) was the reason why I stood out to peers rather than seeing it as an accommodation or a source of comfort.  I felt that it was very ableist for her to make that statement because she was basing her opinions on trying to look normal and appearing "cool" in front of peers.    I like how Speechless explores the hidden agenda of  human beings behind their facade of "inclusion" and diversity.

A third topic that I felt I could relate to in Speechless is J.J.'s strong personality.  Throughout the show, the audience can see that J.J. knows what he wants and sometimes tells his overbearing mother to back off and let him make his own decisions.  He also has a mischevious and sly sense of humor which comes out in his interactions with his siblings, parents and others.  I am like J.J. in that way of knowing what I want. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people use the word "should" with me as if they are telling me that I don't know what I am doing.   I also have a very strong sense of humor and can be sarcastic sometimes.  In fact my dry sense of humor is one of my most well known qualities.  My humor entertained some of the school staff during my middle and high school years.  People think that individuals who live with disabilities are helpless don't have a sense of agency.  However, young people like J.J. and myself are proving that's not the case.  We are perfectly capable of making decisions that affect our lives.   Speechless highlights the importance of self determination for people with disabilities.

In sum, I really liked Speechless.  I see so much of myself in the protagonist.  Unlike other television shows and movies about disability. this show doesn't portray disabled people as burdens or inspirational and rely on stereotypes.    As I said in a previous post, I wished they made a show like Speechless but cast an autistic protagonist.    I can't wait to see what season 2 of Speechless has in store.

Sunday, September 24, 2017

My Graham Cassidy letter

Here is the letter/testimony I sent via email regarding the latest attempt by congress to cut medicaid funding called the Graham-Cassidy bill.  If passed, this bill can have devastating impacts on the lives of millions of Americans especially those with prexisting conditions.

 To whom it may concern,

I am a 25 year old who lives an autism spectrum disorder.  My passion is to advocate for those with autism and other disabilities and to spread awareness of issues that affect the disability community in general.   As an American who lives with a disability, I am deeply concerned about this recent bill which attempts to cut Medicaid funding.  These cuts can significantly affect the quality of life for people like myself  because we wouldn’t be able have the supports and accommodations we need to live in the community as well as getting appropriate medical and mental health care.  

Growing up, I benefitted from services and therapies such as early intervention that enabled me to achieve a lot of things like going to college, getting a job etc.   In addition, I am also a client of regional center services in California and utilized variety of the services that enabled me to get a job.  Even though I have achieved a lot, I still need support in my daily life and will eventually rely on Medicaid funds for health care as well as for housing and support on living on my own.  If the Graham-Cassidy act is passed, it would make it harder for me to access the support I need in order to make the next big step on living on my own a smooth one.  In addition, I will be 26 next year and will no longer fall under my parents’ health insurance so Medicaid funding will be crucial for me to continue to have adequate access to good healthcare.   If there are drastic cuts to Medicaid, it would be hard to imagine a great future for myself and to know that there is a safety network in place for me .   

The Graham Cassidy act and drastic cuts to Medicaid would get rid of the safety net for me and a lot of people with disabilities who rely on government funding.  Medicaid is a big  resource for regional center system here in California.  These cuts that are being proposed by the Graham Cassidy  could drastically affect programs s such as supported Living and employment as well as respite and other key services that people with developmental disabilities and their families rely on.   Families will not be able to afford key therapies that can improve the quality of life for their children if insurance doesn’t cover the cost of early intervention services. I am not writing this letter just for myself, but on behalf of those with disabilities and other preexisting conditions who are afraid to speak out.  Some people will not be able to survive without Medicaid funding since Insurance companies can charge a higher premium or refuse coverage for  those with preexisting conditions.   I do believe there needs to be reforms to Medicaid services but the Graham Cassidy bill is not the solution since it will make life harder for people with disabilities.



Monday, September 18, 2017

My favorite autism pages and blogs

There is a lot of information out there regarding autism since it is becoming increasingly prevalent.    As I mentioned numerous times, there is a lot of deficit based articles on the disorder  that reinforce stereotypes.  I have come across a lot of these articles, facebook posts and blogs in my lifetime and I cannot tell you how many times I was left with feeling angry and insecure about my own life as an autistic person.   I know the authors behind these articles are coming from a well meaning place but make the fallacy of overgeneralizations or stating their opinions as fact.  Luckily, there are a few sources I have came across that gave the empowerment and assurance that I needed.    These neurodiverse friendly  youtube channels, facebook pages and blogs do a great job of trying to offer useful tips and insights without taking the "what works for me should work for you" view on autism.  Most of these sources are written and/or runned by autistic self advocates but I will include two parent runned blogs and facebook pages that I feel are sympathetic to the neurodiversity paradigm.  Note: This list is based on my own experience of what pages I felt were helpful.  These are entirely my own opinions and I don't get any contributions from any of the writers or organizations by promoting their work.   I also want to disclose that all the self advocate sources I list here are by autistic females due to my own experience of being an autistic female. 

Blogs, pages and youtube channels by Autistic Self advocates

1. Amythest Schaber-  I stumbled upon Amythest's channel based on a friend's recommendation.  She has a video series called "Ask an Autistic" which discusses topics like stimming, special interests, myths about functioning labels etc.  What I like about her channel and her "Ask an Autistic" series is that she wants to promote autism acceptance through her series and to combat ableist attitudes.  She also offers advice that is useful to parents of autistic children.

2. Autism Womens Network- This organization is completely runned by autistic women.  As we all know, girls and women are vastly underrepresented in the autism community.  I like that their website and also their facebook page features blog posts written by autistic women.  They also feature writings by autistic women of color as well as those with an atypical gender identity/orientation as well as nonverbal autistics.  I like that this organization makes the effort to include autistic voices from all walks of life rather than privileging autistics who learned to act neurotypically or who have a special talent. 
           Facebook Page:

     3. Autistic Hoya-  This blog is runned by queer and East Asian autistic activist Lydia Brown.  She writes a lot about topics pertaining to social justice and intersectionality particularly between race and disability.  I liked that Brown herself is not only an autistic woman but also an autistic person of color which reflects my experience as well.  There are not too many role models in the autism community that are dually marginalized (e.g. being a woman and a person of color).  It is nice to find such a role model in Lydia Brown and how much advocacy work she does for a lot of autistic people.


4. Autistic Speaks-  This is a facebook page by another autistic woman Lydia Wayman.  What drew me to Wayman's blog is her outlook and views on autism are like my own.  She talks about topics like supports for those on the spectrum who are more verbal as well as the subjectivity of age appropriate interests.  I admire the fact that Lydia and her mom created a support system that was right for her which gives me hope  that it is possible to find the right fit especially when the funding and availability of supports for (especially for those with lesser support needs) autistic adults are scarce.  Unfortunately her page is only accessible for facebook users but you can try viewing her writings without logging in.

facebook page:

5. Chloe Rothschild-  Chloe is another autistic young woman who is around my age who provides useful and empowering information.  Like Lydia, her page and statuses are only visible through facebook.  However she also has a page on The Mighty that I will also provide a link.  I like that Rothschild found her village after aging out of school age services.  She believes that progress and growth is possible for autistic people even when they reach adulthood.  Like me, Chloe has sensory processing issues and believes in the use of fidgets and occupational therapy.  She also uses AAC to supplement her verbal speech which shows that assisted technology apps and devices can be an option for verbal individuals on the autism spectrum.

facebook page:
The Mighty:

6. Musings of an Aspie- This is another blog by Cynthia Kim who is an adult diagnosed autistic.  What I like about Cynthia's blog is that she writes about topics that I feel are not discussed enough in the greater autism community such as the myth of independence, age appropriate interests and special interests etc.  She takes a similar viewpoint as me with these topics.  For example, in her post to demonstrate why functioning labels for autism are not useful  by making two versions of herself (a high functioning/low functioning) and gave them two different names.    She also has a store called Stimtastic which sells fidgets for both children and adults with autism.


7. Unstrange Mind-  Unstrange Mind is a blog runned by autistic activist by Sparrow Rose Jones.  Like the other pages I have listed here, she offers insights about the autistic mindset as well as promoting autism acceptance.   In particular, she talks about autistic burnout and how other comorbid conditions can affect the daily lives of autistics.


8. Zoey Giesberg- Zoey is a good friend of mine and is a down to earth person.  She writes eloquently about her own experience about being autistic as well as some of the topics that affect our community such as mental health issues, autism and media portrayals etc.   I like how she is very tactful in how she words her blog posts which unlike a lot of people who write about autism is hard is hard to find.


Parent Runned Blogs

1. The Thinking Person's guide to Autism-  This is a useful page runned by a mother of an autistic boy.    This one of the few parent runned pages that is neurodiverse friendly and believes that autistic voices should be in the center on all discussions about the disorder.  They offer useful information on a variety of topics such as stimming, self injurious behavior/aggression, policies that affect autism and disabled people, inclusion, AAC use etc.  They also promote blog posts written by autistic people on their official facebook page.

Facebook page:

2. Diary of a Mom-  This is a another parent runned page by a mother of an autistic daughter.  I stumbled across this page based on a post she wrote about age appropriate interests.  I like that she parents her daughter by consulting with other autistic adults and believes in the power of consent when sharing info and photos of her own daughter. 

Facebook page:

This is my list of sources I feel aligned with my core values.  I liked how they had the delicate balance of trying to be helpful without alienating other autistic people and their families.  I know there are a lot of blogs written by autistic advocates that I have not listed because I only read one post and have not read enough of their posts to really get an idea what there about.    As stated in my disclaimer all the authors that are autistic self advocates are female so it is not completely objective given that your blogwriter is an also an autistic woman.  However, I feel that some of these sources will be helpful for autistic males as well.   I hope this list will be helpful for some of my readers.

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Why I became a Self Advocate for Autism

If you have been reading and following my blog posts, you might wonder what made me want to become active in the autism community.    The answer is that there are multiple reasons instead of one specific moment in my life.  I know there are many self advocates out there that are already doing a great job speaking out on behalf of those who haven't yet found  their voice and continue to expand our knowledge base on this complex condition.  I wanted to add my insights, experiences and thoughts to the autism community.  Autism is a very misunderstood condition and also heavily stigmatized in our society.  I feel that the more autistic voices that are out there speaking, the less likely we are pushed aside in the autism debate and that we are treated respectfully in society.

Perhaps the perfect place to start  explaining my interest in becoming active in the autism community is my own experience living with the disorder.    I was diagnosed in preschool but it was six years later when I was in fifth grade when I finally learned about what autism was.  I began to notice that my peers were changing in terms of developing more mature interests whilst I stayed the same.  As I entered middle school, the feeling of knowing I was different was excacerbated. The teenage years can be very complicated for anyone, but it was a magnified  experience for me.  I noticed that my peers in middle school were so interested in fitting in and being part of a large social group.  I found that to be very perplexing and did not understand why middle schoolers became so interested on the approval of others and the "coolness" factor.  My autism made me oblivious to the shallowness of middle school culture.

Like so many other people who first learn about autism, I decided to research what it was.  Unfortunately, in the early to mid 2000's there was a lot of negative information about autism as a set of deficits.  There were no active autistic-runned or neurodiverse organizations that were in existence back then.  A lot of information about the condition was written by neurotypical parents and professionals.  As a consequence of  these deficit based narratives about autism,  my self esteem and self  confidence took a steep dive.  I felt that everything about me (my habits, behaviors and interests) was flawed and needed to be fixed.   Although the people around me had the best of intentions of trying to help me, they sometimes did things that I perceived as "harmful."  A few examples of this was  the ABA agency that tried to extinguish my jumping in middle school,  to this article on Newsweek magazine in which my mom and I were featured that discusses intimate details of how I struggled to develop teen interests as well as being sent away to a summer a life skills bootcamp at my therapist's suggestion during the summer of my senior year of high school that felt like being placed under a microscope in terms of my abilities.   These experiences in my life as well as the medical model of autism that I grew up with  made me felt marginalized growing up.  I felt that I did not fit in anywhere nor fit in the tight categories or boxes" that society has made for the various labels that inhabit our identities.

When I entered adulthood,  the stigmatization of autism and my strong urge to become an advocate for autism was more evident due to the relative absence of autistic voices in this age group.  Again, this is tied to the fact that up until recently, the discussion on autism was dominated by people who have second hand accounts on the disorder.   As a result of a lack of adequate resources for autistic adults, I had to navigate the first few years out of high school on my own.  That was perhaps the hardest time of my life to navigate.  To this day,  I still find it hard to live in a society built for neurotypicals .  To make matters worse, there continues to be an erasure of adult autistics by others who continue to infantilize the disorder by referring to children when writing about the disorder.   My experience as a teenager as well as my current experience of  being a young adult with autism  has lit the flame of being interested in social justice for people with autism.

I became an autism advocate because I don't want any young person with autism to grow up with society telling them they are broken and to enter adulthood feeling insecure about their identity.     I suffered from low self confidence as a result of being aware of the destructive messages about my disability that I was exposed to growing up and to this day I am still working to overcome.    I am also sick and tired of the autism conversation to be dominated by people who actually don't live with the condition.  I am tired of all the negative stereotypes that plagues autistic people (we lack empathy/considerate of other people's feelings).     I wanted to add my voice to the growing number of autistic voices, because I feel there are a lot of topics about autism that are ignored or not given much attention in the wider community. I want the world to know that adults with autism do exist and that we deserve to have supports and accommodations too.  It is not only autistic adults that are virtually ignored, but also autistics who live with another marginalized identity( a person of color, female, and LGBT) who are pushed to the sidelines on the autism conversation.   I wanted to give voice to the voiceless or the underdogs in the autism community

This is why I wrote a autobiography about my experience, started a blog and present to groups about living with autism.    I wanted to give others (especially neurotypicals) a perspective of what it's like waking up everyday and having to face a world that was not built for you and that refuses to accommodate people with disabilities. I want to challenge existing paradigms about autism such as age appropriate interests and functioning labels.  Me and other autistic self advocates are showing the world that normal is "just a setting on a washing machine."

Image: Me with Agnes, Margo and Edith from Despicable Me taken on a trip to Universal Studios for my 25th Birthday.

Saturday, August 26, 2017

What Charlottesville means to me in terms of White Privilege in the autistic community

The recent events in which white nationalist groups show up to protest in Charlottesville, Virginia armed with torches which resulted in the death of a 32-year old woman, has sparked a lot of emotion and conversations about racism in this country.  Like everyone else, I am shocked that an event in which Neo-nazi and white supremacy groups outwardly express their bigotry towards minorities would happen  in 2017.  I thought the days of  white supremacy, KKK, lynch mobs and overt racism were behind us and were solved by the civil rights movement.    It was hard to articulate my thoughts on this matter and it took awhile to compose a facebook status.    Then again I am not surprised that an event like Charlottesville took place since there still seems to be ambivalence of embracing differences in terms of racial, religious views,sexual orientation as well as disability that takes place in this country. These recent events in Charlottesville  has prompted me to think about how America in the 21st century still supports a structure that favors Anglo whites.  More specifically,  Charlottesville made me examine in how white privilege dominates the autism conversation and community.    It is with these thoughts which will shape the subject of this post.  I just want to issue a trigger warning since some parts of this post might come across as scathing and might make some readers uncomfortable or defensive.   In particular, the examination and questioning  of white privilege might make some of my white readers uncomfortable.  This is just an opinion piece from my perspective and observations.  It is not my intention to accuse whites as being racist. In my own life, I know a lot of white people who are all around good people.  This post is critiquing the power structure of white privilege and  not specific white individuals.
 Like everywhere else in society, white privilege is present and dominates the autism community.  This is prevalent in the fact that ethnic minority children tend to be overlooked for diagnosis and that white upper middle class families are more likely the ones to receive early diagnosis and services.   Getting a formal written diagnosis of autism is a privilege in of itself since it is the gateway to receiving services and supports.  This is due to the fact that Leo Kanner, the clinician who helped play a big role in the formulation of autism as a formal diagnosis category wrongly assumed that the disorder was more common in upper middle class white families.  The consequence of Kanner's actions is the reason why autism is a "whitewashed" disorder.  This attitude and belief still pervades today in the 21st century.  It also doesn't help that the media reinforces white privilege when it comes to autism by frequently portraying Caucasian male characters in film and television.    The structure of white privilege is very powerful because it affects the conversation and priorities on autism as well as whose stories or  narratives get told and recognized in the greater autistic community.

As a Japanese American autistic self advocate, I have noticed over the years that the majority of diagnosed autistic people are overwhelmingly white.  However, it wasn't until I got involved in self advocacy that I realized how rare and uncommon someone like myself was since there are not too many self advocates of color in general.  I also realized how extremely lucky I was to have received an early diagnosis since as I discussed earlier that autistic children of color rarely get an early diagnosis.  Going back to the relative absence of self advocates of color, it is hard for people like myself to get the recognition in the autistic self advocacy movement.  When you think about it, the most widely recognized autistic self advocates who are frequently asked to present at conferences are Caucasian and almost always come from privileged backgrounds and have advanced degrees.

A well known example of this is Temple Grandin.   While I admire Temple Grandin for setting the path  for other autistic self advocates, I find it problematic that the greater autism community treats her like an "autism Jesus" in which her teachings and views are equivalent to the holy bible on autism and  should be applied to all autistics.   As a result other autistic voices (particularly those of color) are often overlooked or not given much attention.  As Lydia Brown states in her post "Critiquing Temple Grandin," a large part of Grandin's widespread recognition is connected to her race and social class.   Echoing Ms. Brown's sentiments, Grandin grew up in a very wealthy background which afforded the privilege to get her where she is today.   Her  family was able to afford a nanny to work extensively with Temple to develop her social and self care skills (which can be equivalent to the 40 hour a week ABA that often is prescribed to autistic kids).   She also went to a prestigous boarding school (another luxury afforded to the most privileged families) where she met her science teacher who played a big role in Temple's decision to pursue a career path  in animal science.  Most families (especially ethnic minority families) are not able to afford some of the luxuries Temple was given.  Although my family's income was modest, there was no way that my parents could afford to send me to a boarding school or have a nanny due full time ABA with me.  In fact they did not want to go down the route of spending a lot of money doing  an  extensive therapy regiment on me because it was too expensive and too intrusive for us.    In sum,  the  overemphasis on white self advocates such as Temple Grandin prevents the voices  of autistic self advocates of color from getting recognition.

Another example in which I believe white privilege infiltrates the autism community, is that the most well known and largest autism charity  Autism Speaks was started by  Bob and Suzanne Wright who also come from a very privileged background as being former news anchors on NBC.    Being former TV news anchors affords them the privilege of being connected to Hollywood as well as celebrities.     The backing of celebrities allowed Autism Speaks to have so much influence on how autism is discussed in the greater society and why they were allowed to perpetuate negative messages about the condition for so long.  Most importantly, they played a big role in how funding was allocated for autism research in terms of finding causes and cures and early intervention.    As a consequence of this, there is relatively little research that is adequately addressing the needs of autistic adults.  Autism Speaks does relatively little to address the priorities and needs of the autistic community.  I feel that they don't do enough to address disparities in autism diagnosis among ethnic minority groups as well as addressing cultural gaps and barriers to getting the right services and accommodations.  This is why there are smaller disability rights groups that exist because I feel Autism Speaks is too busy hosting expensive Galas and national walks.  In sum, the reason why I believe Autism Speaks grew up to be a very powerful organization is because of its roots in white privilege.

The events of Charlottesville has made me examine the power structure of white privilege in the very community that plays a big role in my life: the autism community.   Although the reference to Charlottesville might not make sense to some readers ,  I just wanted to get people to think more deeply how the autism community is geared and tends to favor upper middle class white families.  We need to be better at  recognizing and addressing cultural barriers that so often effect ethnic minority families in obtaining a diagnosis as well as services and supports for their kids.  The best way to this is that we need to reach out to these families and educate them on the signs of autism as well as resources that are available in the community.  The good news is that  there are organizations and projects going on that are attempting to address these issues.    Most importantly, there needs to be more resources to empower and develop autistic self advocates of color.  By having more autistic self advocates of color will send the message to society that autism is not exclusive to Caucasian Americans.    Lastly, I want  whites to act as allies and to use their privilege to address inequality and prejudice both in and outside the autism community.   Like I mentioned earlier, I know plenty of whites who  are empathetic and want to help  close the racial gap that is currently present in the autism community.    If we work together, we can accomplish our goals on equality faster.  I hope this post has opened people's eyes on the inequality that still exists in the neurodivergent community.

Some Helpful Articles that address the race problem in autism :

  • "Autism's Race Problem" -Pacific Standard

  • "Autistic Girls of Color: Missing from Media Narrative"- Leanne Libas

Image: The first Anthology consisting of autistic writers of Color produced by the Autism Women's Network

Monday, August 14, 2017

Communication Challenges as a Verbal Individual on the Spectrum

In thinking of other topics I could write about on this blog,  the list is endless.  However, I want to discuss a topic I feel that is applicable to a lot of people across the spectrum.  It is about communication challenges and trying to articulate complex feelings.  Although I have normal verbal abilities and can participate in a back and forth conversation most of the time,  I still have communication challenges in which speaking can be hard sometimes.  It tends to occur when I try to communicate deep personal feelings or desires but do not have the right words (or word choice) to verbally convey what I want to say without people misunderstanding or wrongly misinterpreting my intentions.    It also doesn't help that when you are tired and exhausted (as I am currently feeling as I am writing this post), getting the words out is even harder.   

Going back to my previous statement of  not having the right word choice in communicating my thoughts,  I had personal experiences that resulted in me being frustrated or misunderstood in conversations between my parents, therapist and others close to me as a result of this discrepancy between the thoughts in my head and what comes out of my mouth.   On the other side, people would often be perplexed because they don't understand what I am saying.  There are multiple ways to combine words to communicate a single thought.  Because of this, the words come out jumbled and mixed which makes it hard to verbally form a coherent sentence.

Anticipatory anxiety about how the other person would react if I share my thoughts is another factor that can effect my verbal communicative abilities.  "What if he/she doesn't get it?" or "What would other people think if I share my personal thoughts?" are thoughts that swirl around in my head when I am about to enter an intense conversation.  These invasive thoughts due to anxiety prevent me from thinking clearly on communicating my thoughts that I end up pausing or stumbling in the middle of the conversation figuring out what I should say next. 

In general, when the anxiety or figuring out how to verbally communicate intimate and emotional thoughts becomes too much I either try to abruptly change the subject or reply "I don't know."  Luckily, the people close to me  recognize when I am using these tactics as avoidance and don't take "I don't know" as an answer or move on to another topic without allowing me to accurately express my thoughts. I like that the people around me don't take what I say at face value and always take the time to allow me to accurately articulate my thoughts into words.

This is why I communicate better by writing, emailing or texting.  As other autistic advocates share, writing is a lot easier because it allows for more time and flexibility to effectively get the words out.  When I am allowed more time to process what I want to say, it removes some of the anticipatory anxiety that can become a barrier to my communicative abilities.  I find that blogging has allowed me to fully express my inner thoughts, desires and emotions that would be too difficult to talk about verbally since I have the time to think about what I want to say and to make sure the words I use will accurately communicate my message in  a way that others will understand. 

I wanted to write a post about my personal challenges with  verbal communication to get people to understand that  communication difficulties are not exclusive to those on the spectrum who are nonverbal or have limited verbal abilities. So-called "high-functioning" individuals on the spectrum have these issues also.  In fact, communication challenges is a core feature of autism spectrum disorders.  Just because on the surface I have normal verbal abilities doesn't mean what I say always reflects how I am thinking or feeling inside.  I also wanted to share my experience in case other individuals on the spectrum run into these challenges in their day-to-day lives.


Sunday, August 6, 2017

My review of the Emoji movie and what it can teach us about the idea of normal

Last weekend, I went to see the Emoji Movie.    Despite its extremely low scores on movie review sites such as Rotten Tomatoes (it has a 1 star rating), I decided to bite the bullet since I am a fan of both animated films as well as emojis.   I don't go by ratings and reviews when I decide if a movie is worth seeing  but more about the aesthetics or genre of the film.    Overall, the movie was surprisingly good.  I was shocked about the deep messages embedded in the film which I am about to explain in more detail below.

To give you a brief overview of the plot,  the film takes place inside the phone of a 14-year old teen boy named Alex and the city of Textropolis (where all the emojis live).  The film is taken from the perspective of Gene who is suppose to be a"meh" emoji but ends up making up more than one emotional expression.  He aspires to be a working emoji in which his expression is used in text messages.  However, an incident happens on his first day on the job which resulted  in making the wrong emotion.  This incident made him a "laughing stock" among the other emojis who ultimately ostracize Gene.  Gene soon becomes ashamed of who he is and wants to go to the cloud to get reprogrammed so he can function normally.  He enlists two friends who accompany him: High-Five a handshapped laid back emoji with an Australian accent (who wants to be a "favorite" or frequently used emoji) as well as a gothic  code breaker named Jail-Break.  The three of them journey through the dimensions and worlds of the various apps that occupy Alex's phone to get to the cloud. Throughout the journey, Gene begans to realize the innate gifts of his idiosyncracies (the ability to make multiple emotional expressions)  with the assistance of Jailbreak.  His quirks is what ultimately saves the rest of the emojis from a threat that affects the entire phone.

I personally enjoyed the movie because of its overlying central message of embracing differences and that everyone has their place in society.    As someone on the autism spectrum who is programmed differently from everyone else, this message spoke volumes to me.  Growing up, I was made to feel that my different way of looking at things was not valued and that if I were to have friends and live a good life then I must conform and be like "everybody else."  Gene was made to feel ashamed of his natural ability of making several different emotions because emojis were only programmed to make one expression.  In the beginning of the movie, you can sense the other emojis' negative reactions towards him (ignoring him, making fun of him etc.).  I loved that he eventually finds two friends who embraced his differences and helped him appreciate his idiosyncratic way on looking at the world.   In my own life, I am lucky to have supportive family and friends who are helping me get to a place of acceptance and see the good of my autism.  However, the character I admired was Jailbreak who played the biggest role in getting Gene to see the good of his unique abilities.  She is also different and views herself as an "outcast" in the emoji city of Textropolis.  In my own life, Jailbreak reminds me of one of my friends who is on the autism spectrum who embraces my unique abilities and gets me to see the "good" of my abilities.  The emoji movie did a great job by emphasizing a supportive community and that you don't get to the point of acceptance without help and assistance from others.

Another central message of the film that I admire and can tie into neurodiversity is that everyone has their place and can contribute to society.  This was evident in the ending of the movie.  Gene realizes that his unique ability to make several emotions has value and ends up saving everyone in Textropolis.  How this ties into autism, is that autistic people have unique talents that can be valuable contributions to society.  Too often these abilities are overlooked and as a result there is a huge unemployment rate among the autistic population.  I liked that Gene was given a second chance of getting his emotional expressions used  as a text message and ultimately was successful.  In my own life, I liked that my current workplace gave me a chance and opportunity at being a behavioral aide despite knowing about my autism diagnosis. They saw that I had a unique perspective and saw my autism a valuable contribution in getting to help kids.  I loved that the emoji movie really delved into this topic of value and worth in those who are not considered "normal" or "different."

In sum, the Emoji Movie is probably one of  the few animated films for children that has invaluable lessons alongside other films like Inside Out, Finding Dory and Zootopia. It teaches children to accept and embrace people who are different.  But more importantly,  the emoji movie makes us challenge the idea of "normal."  I like that we are heading in a positive direction and that more people are challenging the prescribed and arbitrary "rules" of society.    Being "normal" and "like everyone else" can prevent us from being creative and finding new solutions to current problems.  This is what I took away from seeing the Emoji Movie.    On the surface it might look like a cheesy kids movie, but it has some insightful powerful messages that  even adults can takeaway.   If anyone wants to see another powerful animation and cares about neurodiversity, then I recommend this film.